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Aubrey Hansen

Author & Screenwriter

Can’t say I didn’t warn you

ssnposter4aI’ve come to the conclusion that if the world is going to crumble into dystopia, it will be for lack of preparedness.

You think with all the dystopian novels floating around lately that people would have taken the hint.  I mean, pretty much every teen on the planet has read The Hunger Games or some such thing.  Why hasn’t the next generation taken it into their hands to prevent the collapse of society?  This is our future; only we can change the tides of disaster.  Why then do we persist in ignoring the growing problem all around us?

I’m not talking about preventing totalitarian government takeover.  (Although next time voting season comes around we might want to keep that in mind.)  There is a threat much worse facing us.  At least with totalitarian government takeover you are dealing with humans; with this threat, you get all of the totalitarian nightmare and none of the humanity.

I’m talking about the supervillain threat.

What, you didn’t know there was a supervillain threat?

My point exactly.

Most people, if you mention the supervillain problem facing our universe, say such a thing doesn’t exist.  I ask, how do they know it doesn’t exist?  Because they haven’t seen a supervillain?  That’s like saying there’s no such thing as volcanoes just because one’s never erupted in your hometown.

Of course, not everyone lives near a volcano, so for some it doesn’t make sense to have an emergency plan of what to do in case a lava slide is advancing towards their home.  Unfortunately supervillains are not so geographically restricted.  A supervillain can be found anywhere or attack anywhere.  No place is safe.  Moving out to the less-populated countryside like they did in Narnia might work for some, but if everyone did that, the countryside wouldn’t be less-populated anymore, and the effect would be lost.  To be safe, everyone should have a plan, or ideally several, of what their family will do in case a supervillain attacks their area.

But, from what I’ve seen, very few people have such a plan.  In fact, it rather seems as if nobody has a plan.

Why?  We have sirens for tornadoes, air conditioning for global warming, and aluminum-foil-lined closets for whatever-that-hysteria-was, but we have no plans whatsoever in case a supervillain tries to desecrate our skyscrapers or take over our local government.

Why the ignorant complacency?  Why are we ignoring this problem and waiting for it to strike with a vengeance and a ray gun instead of preventing its manifestation?  Just because there’s no historical evidence of supervillainry is no excuse.  We adapted to the threat of global warming even though that wasn’t an issue our ancestors faced.  Of course they didn’t have supervillains in the 1700s; humanity didn’t have the technology or chemicals for it.  Now we’ve got lasers and nanotechnology and GMOs, all the perfect tools for a criminal mastermind, and we should be prepared.

It’s not like we’re waiting for supervillains to come down from the sky or invade from an alien planet.  A supervillain could spontaneously mutate from any citizen; worse, we could produce a supervillain from any citizen with a few malicious modifications.  We live in a world where steroids and plastic surgery are common place, never mind radiation and high fructose corn syrup.  Producing a supervillain out of a bottle is not that far-fetched; it’s probably not even that expensive.

Of course, no one would want to intentionally produce a supervillain, right?  We hope for all humanity’s sake that no one would, but then again, we’d also think that no one would want to plagiarize their college term paper.  It’s wrong and stupid and doomed to fail (or at least make you look like a cheap, lazy, incompetent sleazebag), but people do it anyway.  In a country were the majority of the population voted to elect President Obama twice, you’re going to trust that no one will intentionally produce a supervillain?

I’m not asking for mass hysteria, although a little media attention would be nice.  I’m just asking that we, the younger generation, safeguard our future by taking this threat seriously.  But as it is, few will take this issue seriously, and those that do seem incapable of coming up with serious solutions.

It seems that every time I get into a decent discussion about this problem, the other party goes in circles and ends up repeatedly suggesting the same unrealistic solutions.  Usually it’s superheroes.  What do they think this is, a comic book?  I thought we were taking the issue seriously.

Sure, some argue that if you can produce supervillains, we have the technology to produce superheroes.  Infuse a good citizen with some powers and voila!  Oh, but isn’t that how we produce supervillains too, by “enhancing” them?  What makes you think your experiments will fare any better?  You think the inherent goodness of your hero is enough to resist the corrosion of all those chemicals?  What keeps one cyborg lab rat from becoming a supervillain when all the rest have fallen to evil?

The answer is nothing.  There is no way to keep a superhuman from turning evil.  Let me use italics again:  There are no superheroes.  Normal heroes maybe, but no one super.  How do I know?  It’s been tested and documented.  Just ask Floyd.  He’s the supervillain expert, and about the only other being on this planet I’ve found who cares about this threat.  (He helps run a website of information and documentation on the supervillain threat, which is unfortunately about the only resource of its kind.)  And neither of us are banking on society’s ability to produce a working Captain America.

So if we have no good super being to fight the bad super one, how do we intend to resist the super of the bad one?  Got any ideas?  Have you even thought about it?

Didn’t think so.  What is this world coming to?

Oh yeah.  Domination by a supervillain, that’s what.

2 Responses to Can’t say I didn’t warn you

  1. Brilliant post on the subject, Philli. I’m so glad to see people addressing this issue seriously.

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